We want to understand the people that we know but we assume the worst because we judge the words that are said in anger. The words that someone says when they are angry may be just the iceberg of how they are truly feeling. To understand a friend – when they’re struggling – we must understand the words that are not said.
To practice figuring out the full problem behind someone’s words and your own full story try these ideas:
- Think of a time when a good friend or family member said something to you that it was unclear. Maybe this was something said to you in anger or when the other person was having problems that couldn’t fix. Write out the example including what they said to you loudly and what you think they didn’t say out loud.
- Think of a time when you said something to a friend/family member that they didn’t fully understand. Maybe this was something you said to someone in anger or when you were having a hard time. Write out the example including what you said and what you didn’t say out loud.
Words that are said:
- I am so angry
- I hate you
- Go away
Words that are thought:
- My best friend moved schools
- That guy is going to bully me if I take that road.
- I haven’t submitted my English assignment
- I miss my grandfather.
- I haven’t slept well for days.
- My mum is going to nag me again this afternoon.
