We tend to stop being social when we feel sad and worried. That’s when our mind will bombard us with these ideas:
He will not understand me
She will think I am looking for attention
He has his own issues to work on
If he knows how I am he would not like me anymore
Is too much work to get social at the moment
I would not like it anyway
I messaged her last time and she didn’t answer
Our mind does that to us so we stop socializing and we can have more time to think and worry about it.
The truth is that friends help us stay connected to what is important to us. Pain will still be there but friends will help us breathe easier. A listening ear and a smile will go a long way but they have to be face-to-face. Social media might work but when we are sad that can be increased when we look at people through the social media “happy “mask.
It is often upsetting when a friend will answer our worries in the wrong way by distracting us to stay away from the thoughts that bother us. That is even more upsetting when we don’t want to be distracted because we want to talk it out and we feel guilty because we put our pain onto them. That’s when we distance ourselves from friends.
That’s when we could say:
I know that you have your …….. to worry about but can we talk about my worries?
or
I am not ready to share much today. Let’s talk about it another time and today we could just chill.
When we ask our friends for help in a gentle way it will create the opportunity for them to ask back for help when they need to. If they don’t get it then you could talk to them about that or you can talk to another friend that is better at saying the right thing.
Don’t expect them not to tell if you are planning to do something risky. They have to tell somebody.
Trying to not have some emotions and ideas is hard work and takes lots of energy. That means that we have less energy to put into things that are important like friends and family.
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Today we’ve learned via “Stuff that sucks” by Ben Sedley
