First of all, what is your end goal? For your child to see a counselor. How do I get my teenager to see a counselor?
Think about it. You are going to talk to a stranger about things that may be painful or embarrassing. That is big in today’s society where having mental health issues is not OK. Young people with whom I have talked about going to counselling for the first time have said that they worried about things like not knowing what to say, having the counselor “read their mind” or annoy them with questions, and feeling like they can’t control their problem. I agree with this. Adults worry about these things as well.
Because I know what your son’s concerns are about going to see a counselor, I will offer some suggestions based on what I learned from other families. Firstly, ask him if he would like to see a male or female counselor and what time of the day he prefers to go.
Parent: My teenage son is struggling with…, and the GP suggested counselling. The problem is that my son is refusing to come and says that he doesn’t need a “brain shrinker”. I think that talking to someone would help him with his ….. Can you suggest how I can get him to come and see you?
My answer: When you think about it, going to talk to a perfect stranger about things that may be painful, or embarrassing is a pretty big deal. Young people with whom I have talked about going to counselling for the first time have said that they worried about things like not knowing what to say, having the counselor “read their mind” or pester them with questions, and feeling like they have lost control of their problem. These are all very legitimate concerns, and I think a few adults worry about these things as well.
I believe it is important to know that counselling in your son’s situation is voluntary. He must know that no one can make him talk and that if he decides to give it a try, it will be up to him whether or not he continues. As a counselor I can only help a person deal with the issues they present to me, and I cannot read minds!
A 15 min free consultation is designed to allow potential clients to decide whether they think the counselor is a good fit for them. Your son may be more willing to try counselling if he can make some of his own choices and he can do that after 15 min.
Your son may also be interested to know that many counselors who work with youth offer activities other than just sitting and talking. At our office, for example, we often play board/card games, go for walks/basketball/run, or use computer programs while we work with teens on their issues. These activities can make the process feel more comfortable.
If your son is worried about friends finding out that he is in counselling, you can assure him that it is confidential. His counselor will not talk about him with anyone else and will explain the rules about confidentiality to him during the first meeting. Our counselling office has back-door access and clients who do not want to be seen entering the building can be met at this door.
I hope some of these suggestions are useful to you as you talk with your son about seeing a counselor.
What you should do next:
