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Initial (First) Couples
Thank you for being here!
Good friendship and closeness, prioritising intimate time, listen to understand, a desire to support one another's life objectives, the development of a shared meaning are the results that lead to a long lasting relationship.
People who are in fulfilling relationships have a generally favorable opinion of their mate. These couples truly appreciate one another and are careful with what they do and in how they conduct themselves. By giving each other the benefit of the doubt, supportive couples can understand their tender spot and know how to spar with each other. They excel at overcoming criticism by demonstrating empathy. For instance, “I won’t take it personally because I know she’s had a really stressful day.” They may also effortlessly communicate their hurt in a way that is understood and accepted. They may say, “I’m saddened by the way that comment was made but I respect it, and I’d love to understand you about what’s really going on.” After a disagreement, these couples know that their partner is there for them even though they have a different opinion and then go on. They spend that time discussing each other’s wider perspectives.
Allow me to tell you in bullet points about couple therapy
Communication
By the time I work with couples in therapy, their communication style has typically changed to one that is antagonistic and disdainful, or they have grown emotionally distant, anxious, and/or avoidant of one another. The likelihood is more than not that they have a general bad opinion of their companion. Little insults and jabs of disdain can become habit-forming. Even a neutral statement might be construed as an assault for couples at this stage. At this point, hazardous communication methods are also often used.
The relationship between harmful communication occurs as follows:
A problem is brought up, but not in a way that would help; rather, it will touch the other in a raw spot. It might be genuine criticism that is conveyed, or it could be a neutral remark that is interpreted as criticism. However, the other party feels personally attacked and responds defensively, leaving the initial problem unresolved. The talk frequently shifts to disparaging one other’s behaviours, which can cause a reflexive adrenal stress reaction (commonly referred to as Fight or Flight) that causes us to lose our ability to think clearly.
Many times, “stonewalling”—or ceasing all communication—occurs in an effort to control this stress reaction, even when it’s done as a kind of punishment. As a result, the initial problem—no matter how great or small—never gets resolved.
Criticism (or perceived criticism), followed by defensiveness, a counterattack, or deprecation, contempt, stonewalling, and emotional retreat, is often how the conflict dance plays out.
It matters what we say to one another. A lot.
Exercises to understand negative communication cycles promote respect, validation, empathy and compassion are a cornerstone of couples therapy on the road to restoring emotional connection. Learning about our partner’s raw spots and, showing that we are there for them is the cornerstone of human biology. When one partner, or frequently both, who have been so emotionally starved, learns that their other does really believe they come first, it is always heartwarming to watch the couples reconnecting. that they are doing a fantastic job parenting the kids, and that they are aware of it. Whatever they do, they are a team.
Long after the words have been said, the harmony of the relationship is still affected by the words we use on a regular basis.
After having children, relationship satisfaction figures are surprisingly poor. Only around 30% of couples say they are satisfied with their relationship now that they have children.
However, we do know what that 30% or so are doing, which explains why they are content.
They are curious about one another’s personal histories and frequently ask one other probing questions to learn more. They acknowledge each other’s accomplishments, no matter how modest. No matter what the tension is, they can relate to one another’s problems. They take their partner’s side, respect their feelings, and avoid attempting to “fix” the issue. They simply listen and offer validation. They participate in idle conversation rather than dismissing it or responding negatively. Even though they consistently disagree on some matters, they have efficient ways to accept it.
Digital distractions, sex, intimacy, and love, parenting, household tasks, involvement of in-laws and other extra-family interactions, and divergent financial objectives are some of the common solvable difficulties that we address in couples counselling.
Intriguingly, happy, healthy couples frequently differ on these matters, but because of the way they communicate with one another and their willingness to compromise for one another, they are able to come up with the understanding that satisfies both of their most fundamental needs. They still have conflict and experience the negative cycle but they see it coming, know their raw spots and manage to attune to each other and compromise.
They can get back to the initial position of emotional connection that started the relationship as long as both parties have a shred of optimism. Children, stress, personal change, and time can lead to couples becoming emotionally distant or resentful. Couples counselling using attunement is quite successful at rekindling the relationship and increasing shared meaning.
Initial First Couple Booking
After you booked:
- Check our location page for direction
- Familiarise yourself with our cancelation policy.
On your arrival:
- At our Newcastle office please report your arrival at the reception and wait in the waiting area provided
- At our Maitland office please walk upstairs and wait in the sitting area provided by the stairs.
After your appointment:
- Notice how you’re feeling emotionally and physically
- Write about the emotions you’re experiencing to discuss them at your next session
- Stretch your body
- Step outside for some fresh air
- Engage in breathing exercises
- Look at something beautiful that will bring you joy
- Eat a nourishing meal
Ask yourself:
- Do I have any new thoughts or feelings?
- Am I experiencing new body sensations?
- Is anything getting better? Is anything getting worse?
- Am I having new dreams that may be connected to what was discussed?
Allow me to tell you in bullet points about my values and why these values are so important to me:
Respect
Everyone has different needs and I respect about clients’ uniqueness and individuality. I help you to develop solutions and responses that are acceptable and meaningful to you.
Compassion
I endeavor to provide the compassionate care that we would all want for ourselves and our families.
Connection
Thrive to be connected with my clients and the broader community. I value our relationships.
Empathy
I have developed the ability to listen with the goal of understanding your perspective and sensing what you need from me. I am present. I am curious. I let go of my biases.
Equality
Every individual has an equal opportunity to make the most of their lives and talents. I have the belief that all people are of equal worth and are entitled to equal respect.
FAQS:
As a psychotherapist/psychoanalyst and member of IARPP and ASSERT NSW Simona Graham is bound by the Code of Ethics of these organizations and the NSW Government rules of confidentiality.
Initial(first) appointments are 70 minutes. The initial consult is an opportunity to hear about your issues and concerns, your life history and the ways in which anxiety or mood troubles have limited your enjoyment of life. For children 16 years and under, at least one parent has to attend the initial consult.
It’s very common for people to question whether therapy (the quiz is designed to help you with this question) works in the first place. The thing about therapy is, it doesn’t work the way, say, a medication might, where when you have symptoms, you take a drug targeting those symptoms, and hopefully, after some amount of time, those symptoms go away. Therapy is more about taking the time to look for and treat the source of the wound.
You can ask questions in your counselling session and after your counselling sessions. I take pride on my effort to answer text messages or any emails you will need to send in between our sessions. I will be the one to answer all the text messages and emails enquiries.
