First of all, what is your end goal? For your child to see a counselor. How do I get my teenager to see a counselor?
Think about it: you’re about to discuss painful or embarrassing topics with a stranger. In today’s society, where mental health issues are often stigmatized, this is a significant step. Young people I’ve spoken with about their first counseling experience have expressed concerns such as not knowing what to say, fearing the counselor might “read their mind” or annoy them with questions, and feeling like they can’t control their problems. Adults share these worries too.
Understanding your son’s concerns about seeing a counsellor, I want to offer some suggestions based on what I’ve learned from other families. Firstly, ask him if he has a preference for a male or female counsellor and what time of day he prefers for appointments.
Parent: My teenage son is struggling with [issue], and our GP suggested counseling. However, my son is refusing, saying he doesn’t need a “brain shrinker.” I believe talking to someone could help him with his [issue]. Can you suggest how I can persuade him to come see you?
My answer: When you think about it, discussing painful or embarrassing topics with a stranger is a pretty big deal. Young people I’ve spoken to about their first counseling experience have expressed concerns such as not knowing what to say, fearing the counselor might “read their mind” or pester them with questions, and feeling like they’ve lost control of their problem. These are all very legitimate concerns, and many adults worry about these things as well.
I believe it is important to know that counselling in your son’s situation is voluntary. He must know that no one can make him talk and that if he decides to give it a try, it will be up to him whether or not he continues. As a counselor I can only help a person deal with the issues they present to me, and I cannot read minds!
A 15 min free consultation is designed to allow potential clients to decide whether they think the counselor is a good fit for them. Your son may be more willing to try counselling if he can make some of his own choices and he can do that after 15 min.
Your son may also be interested to know that many counselors who work with youth offer activities other than just sitting and talking. At our office, for example, we often play board/card games, go for walks/basketball/run, or use computer programs while we work with teens on their issues. These activities can make the process feel more comfortable.
If your son is worried about friends finding out that he is in counselling, you can assure him that it is confidential. His counselor will not talk about him with anyone else and will explain the rules about confidentiality to him during the first meeting. Our counselling office has back-door access and clients who do not want to be seen entering the building can be met at this door.
I hope some of these suggestions are useful to you as you talk with your son about seeing a counselor.
What you should do next:
